Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Randomize
Follow @tfln