I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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