his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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