remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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