He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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