There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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