Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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