Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
operation harelip BJ is a go
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but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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