Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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