Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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