I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize