I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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