Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize