Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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