he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize