my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize