You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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