I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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