i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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