Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize