Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize