how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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