apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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