We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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