It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize