i can't believe i had my finger in that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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