Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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