Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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