You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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