Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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