It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize