I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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