remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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