I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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