Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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