Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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