dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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