I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize