Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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