I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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