then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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