Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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