He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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