if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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