The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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