just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize