im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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