in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize