u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So many bounce houses so little time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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