FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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